Dating Shmating, Moving Shmooving

Well, ladies and gents. Who am I kidding, there's no gents reading this. So, ladies...things are getting weird for me over here. But first let's talk about dating. More specifically, online dating.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I joined an online dating site since "moving" to Denver. Mostly to meet people, have things to do and, of course, move on from my ex-boyfriend. And regardless of the dates themselves, there is something to be said about having plans. Having plans makes me feel popular, less boring, and important. I mean don't you feel good about yourself when you can say, "Sorry, I have PLANS that evening"? Cause I sure do!

Anywho, I've been on 4 dates so far, with 4 different guys and have about a 50/50 success ratio. The first guy, I went out with just because he asked me and he looked cute in his pictures. I didn't really even read his profile. So I drove through a virtual snowstorm from Denver to Boulder, white-knuckling the steering wheel the entire time, to listen to this assface brag about all the degrees he has, books he's written, money he makes, then not even pick up our $16 tab. WTF? Needless to say, we were not a match.

Second date was also in Boulder. This one was much different. Very cool guy, laid back, fun. We sat in a sports bar watching football and I got to make my very own bloody marys at the bloody mary bar. We had a lot in common because he flies planes as a hobby and buys and sells planes for a living. Now, my initial reaction wasn't necessarily I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off-and-hogtie-you-to-the-bedpost-too-much-information. But I definitely felt like he was into me and we would be seeing each other again. I mean, I got the cute follow-up texts that night, then another a few days later, and the day after that I asked what he was up to because I was going to Boulder, and all I got was "on my way to vail". That's it. No, "but when are you free?", No, "but what are you doing thursday?", nothing! That was a week ago and I haven't heard from him since. Any thoughts? I guess my radar is way off.

Third date was with the sweetest, nicest guy. A teacher. He wasn't as cute as his pictures, but he was so easy to be around, it didn't matter. We went to a climbing gym and out to dinner afterwards. I could tell he's a good teacher, because he was so patient teaching me all the climbing stuff (we actually had to take a demonstrative test before climbing). Anyway, we had fun! I thought! Again, I felt like he was totally into me and when he got home he texted me saying "Good date! Let's do it again sometime?" and I replied with a "definitely". That was a week ago, and still no word. Men are so weird.

Fourth date. This is the doozie. So I couldn't wait to meet this one guy that I had been talking to for a month. He seemed perfect. Tall, handsome, interesting, successful. He seemed to have it all. Online. When we were finally supposed to meet up, he canceled on me, so I wasn't sure if I wanted to go in for a second attempt. But I did. And here's what happened...

I was staying with friends, who were skiing in vail that day. I was also taking care of their 2 cats. Ten minutes before I'm supposed to go meet this guy at Starbucks, I go outside to toss the shitty kitty litter, close the door behind me to keep the cats from getting out ( you see where this is going?) and lock my stupid ass out the house. But it gets better. Not only am I locked OUT of the house, I'm also locked IN the back yard! They have an 8 ft wooden fence, and every single gate door is padlocked. I was in a mild panic. I had no jacket, no phone, no car keys, and no way out. For the next 20 minutes I try kicking the door in like on Law and Order, try opening locked windows, and try to figure out a way me and my high-heeled boots are gettin over this damn fence. And somehow I do it. Thanks to a broken plank, I am able to wedge my heel in and jump! And jump I did. Followed by running. To the nearest establishment, which happened to be a little Greek restaurant.

I breathlessly burst in, puke my story all over the first server I see, borrow his phone, call the Starbucks, ask the Starbucks guy to please find my date and give him the phone, talk to my date who says he will come get me, give him the address, and then sit and wait at the bar. The staff at this place was awesome. They gave me water, wine, pity, and shelter from the cold. The server sat with me at the bar, and brought it to my attention that my "friend" really should have been there by now. I certainly was getting concerned. It had been like 45 minutes, where was he? After 1 1/2 hours, I finally left the Greek place. I had gotten in touch with my friend I was staying with, she gave me some possible hide-a-key locations, and the server came with me to hop the fence so I wouldn't have to (awww...).

When I got inside, my phone had a missed call from my no-show date and a text saying "I'm at the front door, see you in a few." I mean what?? I clearly did not have my phone, hence the Starbucks call. And boy please. Tell me you didn't think to actually walk INSIDE the damn restaurant? So I sent a very annoyed wtf?! text message. He claimed it was all a big misunderstanding due to miscommunication, and would I like to meet for a drink. At first I did not. I mean I really felt like he just didn't want to get stuck with some locked out crazy, and thus purposefully misunderstood. But I went anyway. And when I spotted him at the bar, I was glad I did. Because he was even more gorgeous in person. And when he opened his mouth, I wished I'd stayed home with the kitty cats. Because he was a big douche. Another braggy, arrogant showboat. But at least this one paid.

And the last thing I'm going to say is, remember last time when I said I acted like a freak at that pilots house because I thought he wrote me on the online dating site, but it wasn't him after all yada yada? Well turns out that dude IS on that site and I got a notification that he checked out my profile! So, my nightmare kind of came true in the end and now it's so awkward that there is no way we could live together.

Moving schmooving will have to wait til next time, because ladies and ladies, I need to hit the hay. And if there are any gents out there reading this, I'd love to know about it!
Night night :)