When it rains it pours...men.

I'm trying to get back into this writing thing. It was a rough year for me, and I just wasn't feeling it. But now I'm back on the wagon! And I'm going to try to keep this up on a fairly regular basis.

So. Here I am, in Chicago. Single. And all of the sudden I'm dating again. Like a lot. I don't know what's going on with me these days but dudes are sweatin me. As far as people I have seen more than once, there are a few players.

One is Roger Ravioli. No that's not his real name, but his real name literally sounds just like that. Like an Italian poem. He is an interesting character. He builds cars from scratch. The car he drives is a BMW he built and everytime I ride in it I swear something goes wrong and I fear the damn things gonna break in two or just fall apart right there, but it never does. He's a also a boxer and a musician. He had opportunities to be successful in both of these ventures but turned them down. After hearing both stories and shaking my head in disbelief, I told him it sounded like he was afraid to succeed. This blew his mind. Apparently he has not stopped thinking about it and is now doing some soul searching. What he decided to do instead of those things he's actually passionate about, is work hard for a living like he watched his father do and just keep his hobbies as hobbies and nothing more. I don't get it, but, hey whatever floats your boat I guess.

So what he decides to do is go back to school to become a high school English teacher and wrestling coach. Huh? You want to go back to school to get a job to support yourself and your future family and you choose something admittedly admirable but that pays like what $30,000 a year? And he is living with his parents while he does this and caddying at a country club. Also he's a little young. So basically, no. Although I'm still seeing him, I know that I don't want anything long term with him. I want someone in their 30s who has their shit together and their own place. Is that too much to ask?

But besides all that, I do have fun with the guy. Our first two dates were a blast. The first, we had empanadas and drinks at an Argentinian restaurant and when I mentioned my fave bar in Chicago was Kingston Mines, a divey blues bar, he said lets go right now! And we did and it was great! We danced and he told me how much he wanted to kiss me and he told me how beautiful I was and he just gushed and gushed and I just blushed.

For our second date, I found this free open mic comedy night at a hipster dive bar in Logan Square. I thought it was funny(ish), he did not, but it was still fun. He admitted to me that he was late because he couldn't find anything to wear so he went out and bought a new outfit. Jeans from the Gap and an H&M button down. We stepped outside and heard jazz coming from a red glowing door across the street. There was a sign outside reading "Live jazz. $5 donation. BYOB." Roger listens to Miles Davis "Kind of Blue" every night. The same album. Jazz is his favorite so we walk down to the liquor store on the corner, get a couple of big bottles of craft beer and go in. We walk down a narrow hallway to a room with old wooden floors and carved wood walls painted white. The band is group of men in their 50s wearing old man jeans and black t-shirts and earrings. The drummer has sunglasses on and looks like Jack Nicholson. There are folding chairs set up in a half-moon. We go beyond the band to the kitchen area and pop our beer and pour it into red solo cups and Roger grabs me and kisses me and tells me he hasn't smiled this much all week. A couple dances in off the street. Then everyone starts dancing. We dance too. After the show, Roger talks to the band, we get a tour. I'm thrilled to find out the building is an old funeral parlour. While I'm standing on my own, another guy from the audience says "Hey, he really likes you (gesturing to Roger). It looks like your date is going well." I blush and giggle. I already know that of course.

We leave and go to a late night Mexican joint. Roger tells me how amazing I am, how happy he is when he's around me, how beautiful I am, how much he thinks about me. He laughs like a fog horn on repeat. He runs to the car to get me his jacket because I'm cold. He constantly looks at me with this goofy smile on his face. He's always looking at me. It makes me uncomfortable, but he says he can't help it. I secretly like it, because it makes me feel beautiful.

I don't know how I feel about him. He is in crazy shape. He works out at least 2 hours a day and is totally ripped with like a 12-pack if that's even a thing. But he's skinny ripped and just 5'9. I'm 5'7 and sometimes I feel bigger than him. He has kinky dark hair. It's strange hair, coarse. And he has the most beautiful olive skin. I'm just not sure if I'm attracted to him. And I feel guilty because I know he really likes me and I'm not sure if I'm leading him on or if what I'm doing is ok. Which is being selfish basically. He sends me really corny text messages saying things like "I wish I was slow dancing with you right now." "I wish I was kissing you right now." I usually just don't even respond because I don't know what to say. He literally thinks everything I do is amazing, and I feel like I'm just enjoying the attention and the way he makes me feel. I'm going out with him tonight, maybe I'll figure things out, or maybe I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Anyway since I spent so much time on RR, I'll save the others for next time :) as always, all thoughts welcome and appreciated! Please comment!